WOW! It's been a while since I've blogged. As you all know I started this blog to follow my weight loss journey. As of today I have lost 147 pounds. Physically i am feeling amazing. I am able to do things I could not do a year ago. But then there is my mentality. I know that I should be feeling on top of the world, but I still have those nagging doubts in my head. That fat girl voice still drowns out the new one. The voice that says I am not beautiful or attractive or sexy, that I am just a fat girl who wishes she was all those things. Maybe it's the loose wrinkly skin, or the fact that the weight loss has seemed to make my wrinkles show up and I look older. Perhaps I still need to loose more weight. According to the BMI I am still 15 pounds over my ideal weight. Or maybe it's just that nothing is ever enough. The Cure has a song called "Never Enough" and the lyrics say However much I push it down it's never enough, however much I push it around it's never enough, however much I make it out it's never enough, it's never enough however much I do...
This song has always spoken to me.
Maybe I am destined to always feel like that unattractive fat girl... maybe no matter what I do it will never be enough.
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